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The Story With No Name
The Story With No Name (Not Real Title) '''ATTENTION: '''As I'm writing this, I know that it's likely that no one will see this story, and if they do, they will probably go immediately to the admins and request that it be removed. But on the off chance that someone is bothering to read this author's notice, I ask you, please. Please give this story a chance. Please read it all the way through before you complain to the admins or tell everyone what a troll I am. If this notice goes unheeded, if this well-intentioned story is deemed too inappropriate, then so be it. I love the wiki too much to fight. But please give this story a shot. It's all I ask. Dragonesses and Gentledragons, I give you, Tom the Farting Dragon, by Socrates the MudWing. Rated F for Fart Jokes. ---- Once upon a time, there was a young SkyWing named Tom. Tom was an ordinary dragonet in many respects, perhaps not the bravest or brightest, but overall a nice guy. However, poor Tom had a health problem. He farted. Now, of course, everyone farts sometimes, but Tom farted with overpowering stench and great regularity. Soon everyone shunned him, calling him, "Stinky Tom." He was constantly on half rations, in the hopes that that would stop the farting, but it never did. He was forced to stand at the back of all SkyWing gatherings. Poor Tom tried to learn to contain his flatulence, but his success was minimal -- he could only hold it in for a minute or two. One day, Queen Ruby was giving a speech on the importance of discipline in the ranks. Tom was listening intently, sitting quietly at the back of the pack as usual, when he realized, horrified, that he had to toot. Desperately, Tom sat on the ground and covered his bottom and tried everything he could think of to keep the gas inside of him. Gradually, the gas seemed to settle in Tom's gut, and he relaxed, relieved that the danger was over. And then it came out. The fart was as loud as a thunderclap and smelled like rotten cabbage. Queen Ruby stopped talking in her tracks. One thousand SkyWing noses wrinkled. One thousand heads turned towards Tom, who wished he could disappear. Then, the Queen pointed at Tom and shouted, "KILL HIM!" Now Tom REALLY wished he could disappear. He turned and fled, as fast as he could, but one thousand SkyWings were hot on his tail. Then Tom farted again. The stinky gas went straight into the faces of Tom's pursuers, distracting them for vital seconds and allowing Tom to speed away to the south, towards the Rainforest. Tom flew and flew deep into the Rainforest, not knowing or caring where he was going. As he flew, he cried tears of fear and sadness. Finally, his wings gave out, and he made a clumsy crash-landing, thankfully into a soft patch of mushrooms. There Tom lay, shivering and sniffling, and occasionally farting, until eventually he cried himself to sleep. ---- "Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!" "What's bakey?" "No clue. But it rhymes." Tom opened his eyes and saw two RainWings standing over him. "Ah, he's awake," said the larger of the two. "What's your name, my friend?" "I'm T-tom." Tom replied. "Nice to meet you Tom," the RainWing said. "I'm Rafflesia, and this is Tapir." "Hello," said Tapir. "Er -- it's nice to meet you," said Tom. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Tom farted again. Tapir wrinkled his nose. "Ew," he said. "Stinky." Terrified that they would try to kill him, Tom turned tail and fled. "Hey!" Rafflesia called. "Come back!" Tom was used to flying through open sky, not dense jungle, so the RainWings had no trouble keeping up with him. Eventually they cornered him against a large rock. "Calm down," said Rafflesia. "Kill me quickly," Tom pleaded. "What!?" Tapir squawked. "Why would we kill you?" "We just want to take you to Queen Glory." Rafflesia explained. This panicked Tom even more, and he tried to escape, but only succeeded in bashing his head painfully against the rock. "Calm down, Tom," Rafflesia repeated. "She's not going to kill you either. She just likes to keep track of the dragons in her Kingdom. She'll want to know whether you plan on staying here." Tom shook his head regretfully. "I can't stay here. I can't stay anywhere." "What are you talking about?" asked Tapir. "I'm a fart machine," Tom said sadly. "I just stink up the place and annoy everyone. That's why I got chased out of the Sky Kingdom." As if on cue, Tom let out another small toot. "You see?" he said. "I'm smelly and obnoxious and unhygienic and a bad influence on dragonets." Tom started to tear up again at admitting it out loud. Then, a voice behind Tom spoke up, causing him to jump and whirl around. "Well, this is interesting." said a strong-looking NightWing. "AHH!" Tom shrieked. "NightWing!" He tried once again to get away, but Rafflesia was ready this time, and had a firm hold on Tom's tail. "I get that a lot." said the NightWing. "This is Deathbringer," explained Tapir. "Queen Glory's chancellor, bodyguard, and boyfriend." "And I couldn't help overhearing your problem," said Deathbringer. "Tom, was it?" Tom nodded fearfully. "Tom, no one in this Kingdom is going to hate you just because you fart. They certainly aren't going to kill you for it." Tom lifted up his head. "They won't?" Deathbringer chuckled in a friendly sort of way. "No, they won't." Tom was still uncertain. "But the other SkyWings--" "SkyWings are notoriously cranky," Deathbringer interrupted. "But here, your farting is no big deal. Sure, other dragons'll get annoyed, but flatulence doesn't hurt anyone, and it can even be pretty funny at times. The fact is, Tom, Pyrrhia is a harsh place. It's getting better, but there's still violence everywhere you turn. I'm only 12 years old, and I've seen dragons get beheaded, suffocated, burned, drowned, blinded, incinerated, stuffed, starved, poisoned, infected, crushed, choked, mutilated, crippled, frozen, wrongfully imprisoned, worked to death, torn from their families, psychologically abused, and worse. In the midst of that, what kind of priority-skewed dragon gets hung up about a bit of slightly vulgar humor?" Tom had never thought about that before. "I guess you're right." "Besides," Tapir piped up. "You aren't the only one. Rafflesia smells pretty bad too." He ducked to avoid Rafflesia's tail. "Come with us," said Rafflesia, as if nothing had just happened. "We'll get you registered." ---- So Tom stayed with the RainWings. He kept farting, and sometimes he did annoy other dragons, but other times he made them laugh, and no one tried to kill him. As far as I know, he's still there, a little ray of harmless stinky humor in a bloody, bloody world. Category:Joke Pages Category:Fanfictions (Completed) Category:Fanfictions